We think the best way to be with other people is to help them note their feelings. It can be helpful, but often we start with the assumption that we’ve seen this emotion already and jump to conclusions. When we break it down, what we really observe are facial expressions and body cues. From there we deduce emotions.
For example, we see a furrowed brow and deduce the other person is worried. Or we see tears streaming down someone’s face and depending on the other physical cues (e.g., audible laughter versus audible sobs), deduce whether someone’s joyful or sad.
Most of the time our deductions are right. It means we are getting good at pattern recognition. But if we are going to get really good at being with other people it’s about noticing the cues and not jumping to define the feelings.