It’s normal to look for signals and signs that tell us whether or not we belong. But we’ll rarely receive the exact invitation we are looking for.
Sometimes we miss the invitation because we are looking for the wrong signals. Other times, people are so focused on preserving their own sense of belonging, they forget to consider yours.
Usually this isn’t an act of hostility, but an act of self-preservation on their part. It doesn’t make it right, but it makes them more relatable. Ah they don’t know if they belong right now either.
There are three parts to creating your sense of belonging:
- Decide you belong
- Keep engaging and speaking up
- Be the host, even if you are the newest one.
It’s an act of courage to engage when we are unsure how we will be received. It’s even more courageous to continue to engage even when we don’t get the response or recognition we want.
More often than not, we’ll find our spot. And if we don’t, then we have another courageous choice to make: are we willing to continue to decide to belong, decide to engage, and decide to be a host even if people aren’t immediately supportive? If so, one of two things will happen: either we’ll change the current dynamics or we’ll be pushed out. And if we are pushed out for speaking up or hosting, that spot wasn’t right and there will be another one.
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Some Things I Read Last Week:
- NYTimes: Why Aren’t We Curious About the Things We Want to Be Curious About? “We’re maximally curious when we sense that the environment offers new information in the right proportion to complement what we already know.”
- Kauffman Fellows: Data Show that Gender-Inclusive Founding Teams Have Greater Success in Fundraising and Innovation “Since women have been underrepresented in startup leadership positions for so long, the diverse approaches they bring to a team can create asymmetrically positive returns in comparison to more traditionally male-dominated teams.”
What I’m Working On This Week:
We’re always either adding to or detracting from a situation, team, relationship. How can I positively generate in meetings, relationships, and on teams?