We can’t fully connect with anyone else when we are preoccupied with defending what we are doing and who we presently are.
There’s nothing wrong with our defenses, in fact, in many cases they serve us. But a more compassionate stance (towards ourselves and others) would be to consider: if I am defending all the time, what’s one defense I can practice laying down for a little bit?
A few of the top defenses:
- Denial – refusing to accept the truth or reality about something.
- Intellectualization – using thoughts, intellect, and reason to avoid feelings.
- Rationalization – blaming or explaining away a situation.
- Compartmentalization – avoiding conflicting feelings and thoughts by keeping them separate in your mind.
- Regression – reverting to an earlier stage of development (e.g., throwing a fit if something doesn’t go your way).
- More here.
And if you are currently tallying up the ways you are open or counting the bigger defenses that other people have, it might be worth checking out the first defense.