we don’t just stop being judgmental

Usually when we say “I’m not going to judge”, we don’t actually have an intention to stop judging. Or if we do, we’re actively negating it by declaring what we aren’t going to do, rather than what we will do.

Typically when we get to the point of making an assertion like this, we’ve already made the judgment. So if we are serious about shifting the judgment, a statement that creates that possibility is to call it what it is: “I’m judging right now.” And then use that as the starting point for being curious: “what am I judging? And am I judging it because I’m scared?”