There is a subtle difference between defending ourselves and standing up for ourselves. Defending limits our ability to learn, grow, or receive new inputs.
Short retorts, like, “that’s not true!” are most often a form of defense. Our defenses have a positive intent. We defend when we’re afraid we might lose something we want to protect (like ourselves).
Standing up for ourselves is typically an initial step towards deciding we matter.
In the end, only we’ll know the difference, but one of the strongest ways to fight for ourselves rather than defend against other people is to take in the feedback while asserting our thoughts too.
- “I hear what you are saying, and respectively disagree.”
- “I acknowledge your feedback, and what’s important for me to say is…”
- “I understand that you think x, y, z, and I think a, b, c.”
When we take time to acknowledge the other person’s perspective, we strength our ability to see ourselves more clearly.