Systems seek to maintain themselves. It’s the natural tendency of homeostasis. Just like our bodies seek to maintain a consistent temperature and blood flow, we also resist changes and seek to maintain stability in our lives. So do the organizations we’re part of. It doesn’t mean that change isn’t possible, it just means that to make changes requires the recognition that you’ll be working against the system—whether it’s your own internal system, a friend, family member, or significant other’s system, or an organization’s system.
When we’re met with resistance, it is just a reminder that the tools and ways of engaging that we’ve used before won’t help us make changes that we haven’t made before.
There are lots of books on making change—personal, organizational, and system level change. But to distill the process down to the raw essentials, there are two contrasting aspects: building resonance and accepting dissonance. We are aiming for greater resonance than dissonance. What typically trips us up is getting a taste of dissonance. We experience discomfort, hurt, someone’s anger or reactivity and we get scared we will tip over the boat. If we focus on building resonance, if that becomes our primary purpose, then we can accept a level of dissonance, knowing that it is simply an element of a shifting system that is resistant to change.