They are often so buried that the only way to start to reach them is via logic or intellectual conversations. Wants and needs are a good starting place too, they indicate what’s most important to a person, which gives us insights into what type of pain might be buried.
Until we consider how the avoidance has been positive (it’s maintained a level of safety, likely from past pain) we can’t begin to be present to the small demonstrations of emotions that inevitably show through. Listen for the wants and needs, they are a direct line to the underlying emotion.