A defensive crouch is a coping mechanism. Any time we experience ourselves retreating or recoiling, there’s something we are actively trying to avoid. Usually we’re attempting to escape feeling discomfort.
It’s easier to point out other people’s defensive moves than it is to recognize our own. But that’s a crouch against being with our own feelings and experience. In fact, most of the time we’re either in a defensive crouch, prepared to crouch, or slowly emerging from a crouch.
Which means the first step to any defended state (especially if we spot someone else’s first) is to examine our own defensiveness:
- What am I trying to protect?
- How was this an exquisite strategy for me in the past?
- If I had nothing to defend right now, how would I approach this situation differently?
And if someone is defensive: Unless you’ve set up a “contract” that you’ll tell each other when you are being defensive, the best approach is an internal thought experiment: What might they be trying to protect? How might this crouch have been an exquisite strategy for them in the past?
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Some Things I Read Last Week:
- Wait But Why: A Story of Stories “Delusion is what happens when our reason bouncer fails as the gatekeeper to our beliefs—when our imagination is stronger than our judgment. It might be the most universal human quality.”
- NYTimes: Why You Should Find Time to Be Alone With Yourself “Choosing to spend time doing things by yourself can have mental, emotional and social benefits, but the key to reaping those positive rewards comes from choosing to spend time alone.”
What I’m Working On This Week:
Being in each moment and savoring it.