Something painful happens.
- Rather than address the hurt, we get defensive and identify all the things that led to the situation being the way it is.
- From there, it is easier to get frustrated or angry and blame someone or something else.
- Inside though, we are starting to beat ourselves up, listing all the ways we should or could have done it differently.
There’s an alternative option to dealing with painful things.
- Name the feeling.
- Seek comfort (or comfort yourself).
- And when your defenses flare up, name those too.
- Then return to your underlying feeling.
Learning to take our feelings seriously and be gentle with them neutralizes our hostility towards ourselves.