Two things to remember:
- Sports have rules. Interpersonal fights need them too.
- It is possible to singlehandedly improve fights.
The rules of fighting (adapted from Wright’s Rules of Engagement)
- Accentuate the positive; minimize the negative
- Express and agree with the truth
- Fight for, not against
- Assume goodwill
- You can’t get more than 50% of the blame (and neither can the other person)
- You’re responsible for 100% of your satisfaction (and so is the other person)
Questions to ask yourself when you are seething, ready to butt heads or pick a fight:
- What do I really want right now?
- What part of me do I perceive is being threatened?
- Is this really true?
- Which rule of fighting (above) can I orient towards to shift the situation?
- What’s another thought / belief I might be able to adopt instead?
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Some Things I Read Last Week:
- HBR: How the Best Bosses Interrupt Bias on Their Teams “You can’t be a great manager without becoming a bias interrupter.”
- The Atlantic: Three Theories for Why You Have No Time “The debate over labor and leisure is often fought between the Self-Helpers and the Socialists. The Self-Helpers say that individuals have agency to solve their problems and can reduce their anxiety through new habits and values. The Socialists…insist that almost all modern anxieties arise from structural inequalities that require structural solutions.”
What I’m Working On This Week:
Meditating. I’m obsessed with this app, and Sarah Blondin.