To some degree, we all have a fear of becoming “too attached”. The fear presents itself in different ways—some people straight up leave, others pull away, and some get stuck playing out all the possible scenarios in their head.
In almost all cases it seems that buried under the fear of becoming “too attached” is the fear of getting too hurt. In its most dramatic state, it introduces the assumption that just because hurt is guaranteed and pain is inevitable any further engagement is doomed.
Hurt and pain are always a possibility. In fact, they are likely a probability. If we are really letting other people in, there will be parts of us that they see that we haven’t yet deemed are okay. It’s these parts of us that are particularly vulnerable to other people’s judgment, critic, and genuine curiosity. And if we sense someone “poking” these parts, we’ll often rush to feeling hurt.
Feeling hurt just reveals a part of ourselves that we have rejected. It’s nearly impossible to let in other people, let alone take in their affirmation, if we don’t yet accept ourselves. And if we don’t believe we’re okay just as we are, the fear of becoming “too attached” still seems real, even if it isn’t true.