Most of us try to live by the set of rules we’re supposed to live by. This means we spend more time doing things and saying things that we are supposed to do and say, even though we often feel pulled to live by the internal set of rules that we establish ourselves. What ends up happening is that because we’re trying to “do things right” (and look like we’re following the rules) we broker a lot of secret deals. The deals we make covertly move us away from the rules we think we are supposed to live by and towards doing more of what we want to do.
The problem isn’t defining our own set of rules or values to operate by, that’s sort of the point of life. The issue is with the secrecy of our other deals. We end up hiding who we really are to maintain secrets, versus deciding to live out loud governed by our own authority. In the end, there are no rules, and there is no “normal”, which means that it’s up to us to do what we want with our lives. The bigger catch: living by our own rules is a lot scarier than living by someone else’s. It requires taking full responsibility for our actions and decisions. The upside: fewer brokered deals and…more freedom.