Most people share a desire to be really truthful and candid with each other. We might fantasize about telling our colleagues or boss what we really think about their leadership, or telling a significant other (or someone we want to be our SO) that we love them or want a more intimate relationship, or telling a friend when we feel hurt or really hate one of their habits.
But we also know that being that candid involves a level of risk, often risk that’s not only beyond our comfort zone, but risk that would actually have other consequences (losing our job, a partner, or a friend). The fear of taking risks is actually important data, it usually indicates that we haven’t set up our environment in such a way that we can safely start to say things or take steps that are out of our comfort zone. When we focus on connecting first, then we can become more candid. It’s like wading in rather than diving off the deep end.