We often think we are being vulnerable when we are not. It is one thing to talk about the vulnerable things we do or have done. It’s quite another thing to be vulnerable in the moment. Being vulnerable in the moment means the other person could judge us on the spot. Whereas when we share about the vulnerable things we’ve done in the past, we’ve already reconstructed ourselves and deemed our “vulnerable share” is an “okay” enough thing to be vulnerable about.
Real vulnerability is having the courage to say something we haven’t said before that opens us to the possibility of judgement but at the same time opens us to the possibility of greater connection and intimacy (the kind of connection and intimacy that we are seeking when we talk about being vulnerable).