Anxiety loves company. When we feel worried about something, that thing sits at the top of our mind. It’s something we can’t shake. So we blurt it out, we share it, we project it onto those around us. It’s usually subtle too. We may not catch it at first.
We tell potential employers “I’m not very good at x, but I’m really good at y”. Why do we lead with “x”? Because it’s the thing that we are most worried about. Anxiety loves company, so what we are inadvertently feeding them is a doubt about us. A doubt that they probably didn’t have going into the conversation.
We tell our friends, “Don’t worry, I got it on sale!” We project our anxiety about spending too much. We feed them a judgment they probably didn’t have. And because anxiety loves company, they probably start to feel the judgment too, at least for a bit.
Anxiety loves company, so we project it. But we don’t have to. We can recognize that anxiety is something we add on top of fear. Accept the fear, focus on meeting the needs to address the fear. But realize that the worry we put on top and then project on others, that part is optional.