Most people think giving feedback is solely designed to help the other person, but that’s a narrow view with a systematic error. Our feedback says more about us than it does about the people we are giving it to. So if we want to give better and more actionable feedback, it’s essential to take time to see our own blindspots first:
- What am I rejecting / trying to ignore about myself by giving this feedback?
- If I were trying to defend myself with this feedback, what would I be trying to defend (position/belief/ego)?
- What is my experience of this person/situation and what am I feeling right now?
- How do I envision this person growing from the feedback I want to share?
If everyone took time to see their own blindspots and clarify their intention for giving feedback, then giving feedback would become a visionary act.
P.S. If you are giving feedback, it’s a prerequisite that you know how to receive it. Being defensive is outdated.
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Some Things I Read Last Week:
- HBR: The Feedback Fallacy “We think we’re reliable raters of others. We think we’re a source of truth. We aren’t. We’re a source of error. The only realm in which humans are an unimpeachable source of truth is that of their own feelings and experiences.”
- Vox: How To Have a True Hobby, Not a Side Hustle “Our hustle culture leaves us with no moment unaccounted for — because we feel that even our “free” moments must involve the pursuit of excellence, money, self-improvement, and ‘growth.’ So our leisure activities often turn into a race to see who can do it the best.”
What I’m Working On This Week:
Stopping when I start to say something I’ve said before. Then pivoting to say something different.
“Being defensive is outdated.” That really stuck with me. I am seeing how to give feedback, I have to be open to receiving feedback.